New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Say something about gay babies.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
