I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
