to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
