Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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