I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Randomize
