you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize