Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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