She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
