i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize