Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
