Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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