I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
