Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The air taste purple.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
