New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
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