Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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