dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
