..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So apparently I’m into choking now
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