my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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