After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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