Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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