he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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