we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
