it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
