Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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