I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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