I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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