He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
