That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
