I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
