I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
50% drunk capacity currently
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize