hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
