How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
