oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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