i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
