Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
