I want to make a zoo with you.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
