Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The police scanner is talking about you again....
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize