whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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