I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
