hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
porn star boner night. come get it.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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