the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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