You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
