Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
