are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
