I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
