I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
