Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
