Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
