So drunk its hurt
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
