What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
