If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
