You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
