The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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