it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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