Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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