Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
