At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
