things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Terrible idea I love it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
