I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
