I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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