he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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