I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
