im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
