they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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