so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
