Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
